Why I Love The Moon
by Kuro Guardian
Summary: Or the one where Pearl harvests parts from broken ships and leaves on a "brief" jaunt only to return to a world where Rose is dead and there's something called a Steven. Massively AU – also rather aggressive Pearl, because I can't do woobie!Pearl to save my life.
1. Chapter 1

Pearls are dedicated. Pearls are submissive. Pearls do not build or pilot. Pearls are meant to be a comfort to their masters – docile, eager, and easily put away. This Pearl has had quite enough of that thank you. As Bismuth was forever telling her, she belongs to herself and therefore Rose can stuff it.

'Oh Pearl I love you just the same, but you know how I feel about others. Please understand.' Yes, of course – please protect my little pets. Please stand in the corner while they smear their fluid and secretions all over me. Please be there for me to cry on when they inevitably die because their inefficient bodies are forever teetering on the edge of collapse.

Pearls are meant to be dolls with no more awareness than one of the human's dogs. However, a Renegade Pearl is something else entirely – and that is why she is going on a trip. Not anything too long, just long enough that every second of every day isn't like sandpaper against her gem. Just long enough that the vastness of space can squeeze her… her… Well, not rage but perhaps frustration. Yes that her frustration can be properly put into perspective.

Long enough that Rose might possibly miss her as much as Pearl is forever missing her… So she might actually be leaving forever. It's not like it matters really. Amethyst is self-sufficient enough to make human friends. Garnet is her own cosmos, a conversation that's both a song and the silence of completion. And Rose has humans to fuck and train to worship her.

Screaming the tall, whippet thin creature hurls her tool into the undergrowth. "Fuck." Now, of course, she'll have to go look for it, and that will delay everything. She wants to be gone before Garnet comes up with some "great" idea or another.

Wants to be gone before one of the quartzes wonders where their servant has wandered off to. It's fine – she on the other side of this miserable little planet, and she dismantled all the nearby warp pads. It's fine. Looking into the half-finished engine it'll only be another day or two before she can leave anyway. It's fine.

It's not fine. Rose is crying and that isn't fair. Amethyst is screaming with tears running down her face. Garnet is radiating fury, but so help her – if she manifests her gauntlets… "I just need a break. I have always loved the stars, and it's been such a long time. It won't be forever. Not even a very long time – not for beings like us. I just need a break. You understand don't you?" And it's not a lie. It really isn't – just a quick little trip. No more than fifty or sixty years, maybe not even that long.

And she's not being fair because she knows how big her eyes can get. And she knows they're glistening with tears barely held back. And she knows the weight of her misery has gathered in the curve of her lips, the point of her chin, her beckoning cheekbones. Knows that it bows her spine the way neither sword nor command ever will. Knows that Rose can't bear to see that, and what Rose wants is what the others will want. (Because Rose is ALWAYS right. Because Rose has, time and again, saved their miserable, pointless lives. )

"Promise me you'll come back." And it's that easy, and it's that hard. "Of course Rose, why would I ever want to be where you aren't?" And if she were honest she has wanted to be a million miles away for millennia. (And if she were honest she'd admit she's glad she hasn't been.)

But Rose is smiling that insipid smile that makes her seem beatific and mild. The same little lie that let her (I will **never** forgive you) murder Pink Diamond. (And her feet tread upon the edges of stars, a galaxy of pink light and dust. Will it ever wash out? Will the screaming stop?)

And Rose kisses her gem in benefaction, but she is not a goddess and Pearl is so tired of kneeling. And the little purple quartz is confused, so she runs away like the feral little mongrel she is. And Garnet is the one who stays. Garnet is the one who watches her patch together her tiny escape. Garnet is the one who wraps her arms around her and says, "You are going to come back too late. You'll regret it."

Because she doesn't understand – every second is another regret earned. Because Pearl is the Renegade, but she is still a Pearl. And so she spends all her time regretting that she hasn't been perfect, that she hasn't made Rose perfectly content, or made sure Amethyst is perfectly secure or helped Garnet be the perfect being she appears.

And she regrets that Pink Diamond is dust and a final confused look of heartbroken betrayal. And she regrets leaving her people behind for a bunch of idiot monkeys. And she regrets that she can't love this world because it disgusts her on an irreparable level. And she regrets begrudging Rose the small happiness she can find past all the guilt and self-disgust.

And she regrets surviving when much better people died or were altered. Why isn't Bismuth here instead? Why not Champagne Pearl or her Aqua Royal? And Pearl regrets most of all that her pride in her journey outweighs the guilt of its cost. She really is a monster. But she refuses to stay bubbled so – "I regret many things. What's one more?"

When will she ever learn better?

It's raining when she leaves. She likes that – likes that she is going to disappear through it. Like a spirit leaving its rotting shell. Because Space is so clean and so big – that's why she's going. For perspective, and if she hasn't told the others she's leaving tonight… Well, it probably just slipped her mind. If it really mattered then Garnet would be here with the Quartzes. It's fine. Everything is just fine.

[ _It's not fine. If it were fine she wouldn't have moved the ship to an island far away from where they found her. If it were fine she wouldn't have made sure to piss off Ruby enough to defuse. If it were fine she wouldn't be racing to get away._ ] Everything is perfectly fine.

There is a purple owl, and the engines are engaging. (A whip just misses.) And powerful as she is Rose can't jump that high. And maybe the Fusion raises its fists, but indecision sees two little bodies fall to the ground weeping. And it doesn't matter – she's not leaving forever. She just wants to see it. Just wants to show herself how small she is. Just wants to bow her head and rest.

(She never wanted to fight. She just wants the space to breathe. Just wants to dance to the wail ringing through her crystalline bones. Will the dust of pointless loss ever wash away?) They will **never** forgive her. And she doesn't want them to. And she's almost there – stars shining in her eyes like tears. "I just want to see. Only 50 years… that's not long. I'll be back before it can matter. Promise."

 _'My Diamond, what could it hurt to see the Quartz? I promise she is gentle and mild.'_

 _'I will never leave your side, Rose. I promise.'_

 _'I promise it'll get better. We're in this for the long haul Garnet.'_

 _'And one day we'll see the other side of this war Bismuth. I promise.'_

 _'I will always be here for you Amethyst. Promise.'_

 ** _When_ **_will she ever learn better?_

"I can't believe it. She's really gone, but she promised."

They will **never** forgive her.


	2. Chapter 2

"Approaching target . Re-entry in T minus 5. Please secure yourself, madam." Such a polite ship she stole from that one … what do they call themselves? Waderage? Something like that… 'Such a nice ship.' And it is all sweeping lines and minimalism and gleaming surfaces. It can't be more than 4 cycles if that, and it handles like a dream. Yawning Pearl thinks that maybe she shouldn't be thinking about dreams and sleep right now. As the view outside is taken over with fire the slender gem has to wonder if this was the best idea.

She'd only meant to be gone half a century, but she should have known better. She'd never had much luck at all – and her "ship" had been little more than excrement. The first time she'd had to navigate anything serious it had given up on her. Thankfully she was near enough a planet that with a bit of effort she'd managed to make planetfall. It had been a beautiful place until the moons rose and every tree, every rock, every glimmering expanse of water had vomited forth creatures of insatiable hunger. Briefly, one three-fingered hand twitches toward her damaged gem. Eyes more black than blue close as she sighs, and then open again as the ship helpfully informs her that she may retake the controls.

"But what if I don't want to Navi? What then?" There is a sound like a buzzer as the ship's subroutines conflict with its imperative to please her. She laughs revealing a mouthful of sharp, needle-like fangs in rows. Running an exceptionally long tongue over her collection of teeth she hums wondering what the others will think of her. Will they consider her a monster? Because she is one – she really is. Even so, she promised that she would come back and it only took her ten times as long as she promised.

It is the work of minutes to scan for them, and no time at all to plot a course that keeps her quietly off the radar. And oh the little savage monkeys have radar and satellites! How strange that humanity should have come so far in the blink of the eye. Perhaps Rose was right (of course Rose was right). That's not very important, not really if she's being honest. And the cobalt blue talons on her three fingered hand are tapping out a beat – the measure of Opal's song.

Amethyst must have been so upset, but she has the attention span of a human child. Surely she's gotten over it by now. Except that Amethyst hoards everything including every slight, every mistake, every raised eyebrow, and hand. Amethyst is going to hate her. Amethyst has always hated her. Nothing has changed except that… the ink of her eyes spreads lazily across the white of her eyes like blood in water. Time drifts because her mind is… expansive like space or –or something. The ocean maybe?

Okay, so to be perfectly honest Pearl hasn't come back because she promised, and she hasn't come back because she's guilty. She needs Rose's tears because something has gone wrong with her gem. Whatever those Rubies did with their blasted wand thing has made her change and now she seems to be losing her mind…unraveling like those things after the Diamonds stopped fucking around. Oops, language. A good pearl is always aware of how she sounds because her reputation is her master's – and one must never shame the master. But Pearl is not a good pearl; she isn't even a decent one. Heh.

She wakes up to direct sunlight and a voice like a drill through her gem. "Garnet? What's the matter? Do you know her? Is she a Crystal Gem too?" And a second voice as bitter as poison, "Nah, just some bitch who cut and ran." "Language." There is a moment like the moment after a stone is thrown into a lake, but before the water takes it away. She really doesn't need to breathe, so why is she so distressed at the heaviness of her chest?

And then the tension breaks as that bright, cheerful voice all but screeches, "Hi! My name is Steven!" Cracking open one eye she sees a round human belly with a desperately familiar pink stone sticking out of it. "Is this the part where I regret everything Garnet or will that be later on?" It doesn't matter – right now she just wants to sleep. Sleep until anything makes sense and the gem she used to carry around stops hating her. Sleep until the voice she most wants to hear says, 'My Pearl' and then gives that strange husky little laugh. "Fuck."

Punching the fat idiot with the ridiculous hair was unnecessary, but so was him getting in her face reeking of fried oil. Yes, a ship so far advanced in technology would be fascinating – but the little chimp is too stupid to be allowed near it. So she has sent the ship to the Strawberry fields, and for now, she is trapped here trying to breathe. Which is beyond stupid, because she doesn't even need to breathe – it's just a damn affection. 'Defective pearl.' The small hybrid stares at her wringing his chubby little hands.

"What do you require Steven Universe?" And that is such an impossible name, of course, Rose would fall for some strange little man named Universe. But did she have to have a child with him, was she really so miserable? 'Might I have saved her if I were here?' Half a millennium away and she has still learned nothing of perspective. Rose was like a hurricane or an earthquake – you did not control her, you could only endure and then pick up the pieces afterward. And she hadn't cared about Pearl's concerns before why would she have learned to now? Who cares about the concerns of a pearl?

"Are you okay? You look sad." Its hands are so warm and soft. Like a baked apple or a rotting corpse in the sun. How did Rose do it? And the… boy?... withers under her gaze as she scans his sand filled curls, his peeling sunburned cheeks, his flat little feet with their chipped nails. It's possible of course; Pearls are after all organic to some extent. But the birth of a pearl is an abomination – each skinny little scarecrow the result of a century's worth of screaming choking madness. Did this thing have the mind to claw at his prison? What hellscape must he have endured in the patchwork inner workings of Rose Quartz?

The boy is nervous looking to the left of her face as he licks chapped lips. "Pearl are you mad?" It would cost nothing to reassure him, but she is tired – and she is selfish. But is it really that selfish to want to grieve? Even if the tragedy is more than 13 years in the past? What are 13 years in the grand scheme of things? And what will be done about her gem? And what if she _isn't_ actually sorry? What if she has no _real_ regrets? What if she's angry because she wasn't here to watch Rose go – to make sure it sticks and Rose isn't just a liar hiding in a meat suit? A parasite giggling alone inside this disgusting little mockery of a gem.

Either way – "No Steven. Are we still going to go to your donut shop?" And the boy seems to rebound all nervousness gone. It's a lie, of course, he is still wary of her and he should be. Oh, she won't harm him – he is only a child and he had no choice in this, but if he were injured… She can't promise she wouldn't save the gem at the cost of the woefully inadequate flesh. Of course, with her track record, it's not like a promise would mean anything in the long run. But that's probably not important right now, so she lets the child pull her along as though she were a balloon. As though she would actually mind floating away from all this. Although she loves the breeze of the rolling waves, and she likes the feel of the sand under her feet. She could be happy here for a little while…maybe.

The Big Donut is a rundown shack of a firetrap with a large round shape on top in desperate need of repainting. This boy must be Rose's child or else the filth they surely serve here ought to have killed him. She doesn't say that – he's very proud and she ought not to change that. Besides which Garnet will surely shatter her if she does, because Garnet loves this boy even more than she loves herself. And the little purple shadow behind them is gagging for a reason to attack. The wares available are woefully unappetizing. The buzzing of the lights above like the writhing of maggots through still bleeding flesh – the tapping of her talons is not enough to drown it out.

"Um, Pearl?" Great, she's done something wrong again. The boy is looking nervous again, while the chubby girl who is barely taller than him fidgets. The lanky boy beside just rolls his eyes before draping himself over the counter. "Wake me when I should give a damn again." She doesn't mean to (much), but one white hand makes firm contact with the deformed ear of the boy. Apparently, he _is_ capable of quick agile movement. "Hey! What the hell was that for?!" She smiles – and her smile widens when he filches before frowning with a sneer. "Well? What the fuck is the big idea?!" The boy is not especially clever, but he is amusing. "My apologies my hand just slipped."

"Psycho bitch." "Whiny brat." Steven is all but whining in distress – "Guys! Be nice!" The girl waves a negligent hand and gives a smile as bright as her hair – "It's fine. They're just bonding Steven. Want your special now? And maybe a bear claw for the lady?" The child actually begins to bounce flip flops somehow staying on. The tall boy rolls his eyes hard enough to strain something. The girl snorts before hitting him none too gently, "Dangit Sadie! That's my soft arm!" "Can it Lars." Lars is still grumbling after they've paid and left. "Wanna meet my dad? He's really nice and he plays the guitar and I'd bet you'd make great friends!" Why not – he probably doesn't deserve killing.

He actually does, but Steven has his mother's shield and her bubble and that takes all the fight out of her. So she walks away toward the nearest warp pad that isn't near the temple. Honestly, she just isn't ready for a visit yet – maybe in a couple of decades when at least the boy's father is dead. Or maybe another hundred years when they both should be gone – yes that's the perfect plan and really it's not like anyone here will miss her. _**Rose is dead**_. She might be running now her manifested outfit gaining scratches and stains. [ _The gem dust is in her nose, on her tongue, glittering along the edges of every eyelash – she is her most beautiful when coated in the essence of others._ ' _Abomination!']_

And then it's only years and years and years of dodging one more blow that keeps the Fusi- keeps Garnet's hands off her. Since when has she started wearing that damn visor? "Just where do you think you're going?" Since when has Garnet been so damn arrogant? "Oh, well you know – just a quick jump to get Steven a present. I mean I have so much time to make up for, don't I? Even more so because humans don't live an especially long time, right?" And they both know that she's lying, but damn if she's going to just roll over and show her belly like a dog. 'I'm not just a fucking Pearl.' And then there is pain and looking down there is Amethyst shoving one of those godforsaken destabilizing wands into her chest. And then it all goes a perfect white.


	3. Chapter 3

She isn't drifting. There is nowhere to go and every horizon folds away into the core of herself. This is her mind and it is not and she is here without being present. She has always loved the experience of being inside her gem and has always been wary of leaving it. Nothing good comes of the outside world, or rather nothing good comes of the creatures outside herself. She has no problem with stars or planets. She is at peace with the scattered artifacts of a universe dancing in its own winding cloth – an explosion of life from the corpses of past births. Like watching a body reclaimed by the sea or the forest. It is only other beings – or if she's honest other gems that bring ruin to everything. She brings ruin to everything, but only because no one will let her be. She doesn't want to be here. She refuses to leave her gem.

The compulsion to reform is not one a gem can disobey. It is something that can only be delayed for a time - and so eventually the calm white fog of her mind dissolves into light. And when that light fades she is greeted with the rather sad dwelling that is the Quartz boy's dwelling. She could clean, but that would imply she cares and that's entirely too tiring. The sun is setting and no one is apparently here. So why not explore? The most interesting is also the least accessible – a large door of gem technology with a star in the middle. At four of its points are gems: a Sapphire, a Ruby, an Amethyst, and a Rose Quartz. There is room for one more, and that is a thought to be avoided.

Her talons have not grown back – she needs to find a mirror. Brushing her messy peach bangs out of her eyes Pearl approaches the windows. If she stands at just the right angle she can see herself. It's mostly the same: a bird nest of peach hair, two huge ice blue eyes, skin as white as snow, and a body that is long and impossibly thin clad in a sleeveless blue tunic and sea foam green leggings. The only new thing is the pink triangle surrounding the white circle that has been on her chest since… since the thing with that one Jasper. "What a clusterfuck that was…"

Speaking of which, she needed to check the Kindergarten immediately. If that idiot Peridot was right then there was no time to waste. Too many people human and gem had died for this little blue planet to be destroyed by pettiness. "And I would know pettiness." "Well, that's one thing that hasn't changed." Just as easy as that all the energy that she had has been drained away. "Hello, small one. Did you need anything?" The soft care of her voice is only half mockery because she does love the little Quartz – defective gems have to stick together. (But the purple gem is perfect – brave and sweet and so clever when she tries, and she fits perfectly in a slender pair of arms.)

Garnet catches the whip before it can fully unfurl, and the tightness of her jaw is possibly intimidating. Except she has stood up to the Perfect Jasper and she spat in a Moissanite's face and she watched a Kindergarten dissolve into molten rock. _A single hand paws at the air before breaking apart into_ _light_ _and the memory of flesh. There is no air to breathe, and yet the screaming won't stop._ She isn't afraid of Garnet, but she is afraid of how easily she could crack her _(– but Rose, a Garnet is weaker than a Ruby or a Sapphire, why encourage such a pointless fusion?)_. "We need to talk. Steven is spending the night with his father." There isn't time.

"No Pearl. I don't want to hear it. " The hand she has raised holds Sapphire's gem. Corundum is impressively durable, but sadly possesses a rather exploitable pattern of cleavage. Suddenly said hand is snatched behind the 7 ft giant's back as the temperature begins to rise. "Sit **down**." And the only quartz here looks alarmed. Has the fusion developed a bit of temper? And now it's cold enough that the dust in here is forming sad little snowflakes. "Where were you?" It would be so easy to say something rude or strange or to blather on about nothing. Instead, "Nowhere important – after I left the solar system I pointed its nose to the closest nebula and I've been wandering ever since." Her voice gives the shrug her shoulders can't handle.

"You said you wouldn't be gone that long." Her talons still aren't back, and her teeth are basically normal. "Did something happen while I was reforming?" The need to touch her gem is setting into a mindscrewing itch in both gem and fingers. Garnet's hand is big enough to hold both of her own. " Pearl focus. We washed your gem in Rose's fountain, and then Steven used his healing powers to be sure. It's okay." Nothing is okay – the space between where she left and where she is now a pit in which monsters lie. "Fountain?" It's going to be a long night. Joy.


	4. Chapter 4

She punches a hole into another egg and precedes to suck. The brown child – girl – looks disgusted her nose wrinkled enough for her glass-less glasses to fall off. There is a story there, something to do with Steven's healing gift, but it will have to wait. She promised the boy a present after she ate, and so she shall keep that promise. At least once she will keep a promise. Even a perfectly worthless one like this – especially a perfectly worthless one like this.

"Um, Pearl? We could just get you some eggs from the store – I mean… Not that- it's just that I think these eggs are supposed to grow into little baby birds." She is not going to roll her eyes at the child because he is a child and it's doubtful his caregivers have actually explained _any_ thing to him. "No Steven – a fertilized egg requires a certain amount of incubation before embryo growth will proceed. These eggs are freshly laid and are therefore as inert as the ones you can buy. Have the elders not gone over this at the learning hut? Or –what is the word? Synagogue? Something to do with temples I suppose."

The brown child – Donnie? – looks fairly appalled, perhaps the learning area is called something new now. It doesn't matter. What does matter is getting her command bracelet back from wherever the others hid it. Not that she necessarily needs it, and honestly it wouldn't be too difficult to fabricate another… It's just the damn principle of the thing! It's hers and she doesn't have to stay on this insignificant little mud ball if she doesn't want to! But it's fine because she has important information and once she has helped with the Cluster event they will have to return her property. It's as simple as that.

"Miss?" Blinking Pearl startles backward from the little brown hand waving in front of her impressive nose. "Um, s-sorry but you were kind of out of it and there aren't any more eggs in that nest and..." Watching the East Indian child quietly peter out is almost amusing. There is nothing especially intimidating about a pearl – not even a "certifiably" insane one. Which of course, brings her thoughts back to this morning's presentation, "Steven have you ever met a peridot?" And imagine her surprise when he actually nods after a bit of thought.

"Oh? And how did you accomplish that Steven? The Galaxy Warp should be disabled from this side of things?" It would have to be or else the Earth would have never stood the slightest chance – and even then it had only been given the briefest reprieve. And the uptick of her lips is sharp enough to draw blood, but the tiny quartz (smaller even than Amethyst) is too busy painting his story to notice. His little friend with her stick-like arms and legs is a different story. Tension draws her shoulders up toward her ears and tightens the corners of her dark eyes. Her fingers mindlessly twitch as though searching for something, most likely a weapon of any kind. Clever girl.

"And then Garnet said, "Well done Steven. You only almost blew it." His impression of Garnet's voice and manner is just close enough to surprise a snort out of her. And the look on the face of the girl is enough to chase peal after peal of laughter from her. Laughter strangled into heavy silence by the strange husky little chuckles Steven gives. Luckily he has his eyes close as his pudgy little body shakes with mirth. Less lucky is the girl – Connie! – reaching for him a look of terror stamped on her face. "Stev-!" "Connie."

And they are both looking at her, "Your name is Connie. I knew I remembered." The hunch of her thin shoulders, the nervousness of her movement, the large proud brow, and the sharp angles like a crane and now like a scarecrow. "You're very much like me, aren't you Connie?" The child frowns as though insulted before looking away. 'Foolish.' In a real fight, the sword whose hilt she holds out would run red with heart's blood it's point shining brightly from between razor-sharp shoulder blades. "Go on. You want to protect Steven, don't you? You want to be his knight." And a blush like dawn's first gleaming rises across their little cheeks. 'Oh, isn't that darling?'

There is something like a bitter taste in her mouth as she continues, "Well, go on its only fair since I'm giving Steven something too." Tentatively the hilt is taken and then the child is holding it with both hands staring in awe at the blade. The boy is almost literally starry-eyed with a grin that very nearly doesn't fit on his face. "That's so cool! Do I get a sword too?! I mean I already have a shield even if I can't summon it very well. I'd be like a Knight! Me and Connie can be knights together!" It'd be so easy to just say yes but, "No Steven. Your mother has – ahem had a very fine sword made by a very dear friend of mine. It's around here somewhere for us to find, but you're not a knight, you are a commander and commanders require technicians."

Reaching up toward her gem she withdraws what looks like a ball of dark blue glass. In actuality, it is a hideously expensive storage unit – one that causes shivers to race through her as she studies it. Like leaves before a stiff breeze, her thoughts skitter and scatter away from what it took to pay for it. _Crushing her and thrusting thrusting thrusting..!_ A sharp laugh as abrupt as a snapping branch, and then the ball is enlarging until she can open it and pull out its pathetic cargo. As small as Steven and a sickly, toxic green in color the peridot hangs limply from her grasp. The reason for its stillness is the onyx collar studded with yellow Jasper shards. She shouldn't feel such a vicious little spark of happiness, but she honestly shouldn't feel anything at all.

"Here Steven, your very own peridot!" The children are, of course, horrified staring at the thing she holds by one little ankle as though it were filthy. It actually is pretty dirty with a fine layer of dust dulling its' hideous coloring. "Pearl! She's not a-a thing, she's a person – a gem!" No, they haven't explained anything at all. "She's not a gem, she's not anything except a peridot – **my** peridot and now yours." The smile on her face is probably the most real it's been since she got here, and isn't that just the problem? Why is she always so abrasive? Why can't she be kind? Probably because she doesn't want to, even if she's not supposed to want anything.

"How could you? How can you just treat her like an object?" And the look of betrayal in his dark little eyes ( _ **her**_ _dark eyes_ ) curdles the milk of her happiness like the sharp tang of lemon juice. So she does what she always has and attacks, "Easily. As easily as she would shrug off the death of this world." They gape like fish all self-righteousness momentarily forgotten but it's too late. Everything is ruined ( _you'll regret it_ ). "Do you think this little monster has the range to feel anything? That she regrets crushing gems and fusing their pieces into abominations? That she hasn't shrugged off the death of innumerable planets? _Stu_ pid, _fool_ ish, _**idiot**_ child – you think you know so much, but you know **nothing**! This hateful little slag heap wanted to-"

But no she won't give them that – she can't give them that. They don't deserve to see how – "Fine, do whatever you want – keep her or don't it doesn't matter. It was just a thought." Her face is so stiff it looks like some terrible mask, all expression locked away as she tosses the horrible little pervert at their feet. Of course, it can't end as simply as that – the little bitch in her ridiculous red boots and her stupid useless glasses throws the sword away like its rubbish. It glimmers from the dirt the way it had centuries ago as it's wielder bled out Rose tears completely useless. "I can learn on my own, I refuse to learn from someone like you!"

So brave even as she takes a step away from the tall pale creature whose face cracks into a smile like blood welling up after the knife has been dragged across. "Fine. I've always known there's no use for kindness, it'll only be thrown back into your face." The child flinches as though the words were spittle dripping from her face, but she doesn't back down and Pearls feels strangely proud. Less so looking at the thing Rose made, "So do you want her or not?" He doesn't even have to speak for her to know his answer one hand already reaching down, "Fine. It's not like she's worth much after all. I suppose this was a fairly sorry gift in the first place."

And then, "Wait! She's not mine, but I-please Pearl!" She stands dusting hands that don't need it, and not looking into dark eyes that dig into her heart like a chain of thorns. "Please, what?" Her gem begins to ache as a familiar head of lilac hair appears followed by a cheerful round face that immediately turns incredulous, "Wh-who the hell is that? Where'd she come from? She looks like that peridot that was sending all those things! What the hell is that thing around her neck?!Wait, is that a fricking sword?!" Leaving the peridot Pearl snatches up the capsule with one last look of disdain for the lot of them, before transforming into a six-winged avian and flying away.


	5. Chapter 5

It figures that the one big thing Lars will ever do is prove it's possible to die from boredom. Who knew the Cool Kids were so damn Lame? Of course, this is fucking Beach City where nothing ever happens – well outside of weird monster thingies attacking Steven and his weirdo guardian ladies. Speaking of which, what was up with that new one? The pale one that apparently makes Buck's dad all sweaty and nervous, and who also makes Old Man Greg sweaty and nervous, also that little idiot Steven. She was alright – if nothing else she didn't treat him like some tag-along pain in the ass. But where did she come from and why was she here?

Frowning the jaundiced looking teen closes his eyes and tries to at least relax. The huge shadow flitting over his face combined with the excited noises of the Dork Kids does a fair job of preventing that. It's not surprising, what little he was able to catch before it disappeared into the distance was beyond weird. Long and white with at least three pairs of wings and what could have been fur or scales or feathers that shone like light off snow. 'And what are the odds that this weird thing is connected to Steven's freaky new aunt?' Pssh, like that's even a question. "What the hell was that?!"

Besides which if he goes and investigates the weirdo bird thing then he doesn't have to hang out with these idiots. Really it's a win/win situation – especially because he was smart enough to bring his brother's battered old motocross bike. If worst came to worst he could always call Sadie's mom for a pick-up, what he wouldn't give to trade parents for like ten minutes… Whatever. Only Sour Cream bothers to look over as Lars pulls the bike upright with a grunt. A dozen shades of rust and dirt and half-assed paint jobs it doesn't look like much, but then again neither does he.

"Hey, I'm gonna go check out whatever that thing was. Later." If he were anyone else they'd probably talk about going with him, but honestly they just don't click – it's probably his fault. It's almost always his fault according to everyone else. Not like it matters, one day he's gonna get out of here and never look back like his brother did. The bike kicks over with a cough that would put a chronic smoker to shame. Doesn't matter as long as it gets him away from here.

It might sound like death warmed over, but the bike still has some kick and he's flying along racing his shadow and the faded memory of the coolest kid he knows. It's not until he passes the black and yellow tape that he realizes where he is. "Yeah, it's just my luck the stupid thing flew into the Dead Lands. It's worth more than my life if I get caught out here." Besides which it's fucking creepy as hell, nothing moves out here or grows and it's like some alien landscape.

Even the sky is the wrong color and the air tastes like nickel and ozone and salt at the back of his throat. Still, it's something different and at this point what does it matter? There's nothing to lose except a shitty job at a shitty shop in a shitty town where no one likes him because he's apparently the only dickhead in history. "Fuck it." His hand tightens on the accelerator as a ghastly grin violently carves it's self onto his thin face. Even if this little adventure kills him, better to have died doing something then simply exist until he stopped breathing.

He's at the center of the Dead Lands – and no he doesn't need a sign post to know it. Every breath in is like packing dirt down his throat, while every breath out feels like an imminent nose bleed. It's a good thing he dresses in layers because the skin he's showing is beginning to burn. He's got just enough gas to get back if he turns around now or shuts off the bike. It's not even a question – the sudden silence is almost a pressure it's so damn heavy. Except that someone…or thing is speaking. Two things actually and at least one of them is very angry.

"Who do you think you are? What right does a pearl -?" The crack of flesh on flesh is like a shot fired. "Shut up." And it's a wonder he didn't guess before because that cool voice could only come from _her_. "Just shut up. Whatever you think you remember you can just fucking let it go. It's gone now and probably has been for a very long time. I visited the old worlds and the old hubs and they're all so much rubble. All of it so completely destroyed that even the memories of them have been dashed to pieces and swept away." Buck would say that her voice was sub-artic it was so cold, and Sour Cream would say it was absolute zero in temp. Jenny would just say the chick was pissed, but she's not – not just pissed and not just at whoever is here.

Thankful he can be quiet and not a complete klutz when he wants to Lars makes his way to the edge of the plateau he stands on in a crouch. Carefully he lowers himself to his belly and creeps forward. The first things he notices are the machines that look like viruses and have what look like hearts in them. The second is all the person-shaped holes in the walls, which is so beyond completely fucked up. What the hell does any of this even mean? But no, worry about that shit later, what's really important are the two women glaring at each other down below – one of them is shades of blue and the other is white and pink and blue and green and yellow like a child's nursery.

The blue one is crying. Its' fists are curled up so tight it ought to be bleeding, maybe it is – hard to see much of anything up here. What could be tears are running down it's… okay, her face and she looks so beyond miserable it brings a pain to his chest. Then again that could be the like radioactive dirt he's laying face-down in, but whatever not like he ever wanted kids or whatever. The pale one – the pearl thing – looks impassive as it stands there with arms spread wide. "Don't you get it? You're pining after something that's not even an echo never mind a ghost." The blue one screams sweeping it's arms forward like a witch calling forth her minions. Pearl just laughs, "Oh dear, ad what pray tell is the lapis lazuli gonna do without any water? Oh, I see – you're going to glare at me until I die. Oh well, I simply **quake** with _fear_."

Shrieking madly the lapis(?) snatches up a rock and throws it. "Fine! You win okay? You win, oh great and wonderful Renegade. So just kill me already and stop tormenting me!" Pearl just yawns before looking up where he's hiding… and smiling. "I've forgotten how much I hate dealing with gems. If I wanted you dead and gone I could have just finished cracking your gem in half. Instead, I apparently wasted Rose's tears on you." Pearl turns away with a lightness that makes it look like she's dancing. Her fly away pink hair and flowing clothes remind him of that one ballet production he let his mom drag him to. Yeah, she could be a ballerina if she wanted to, but why would she care about something so pointless?

The lapis thingy looks unimpressed but follows the meandering path Pearl takes to the nearest virus thing. "'I'm not going to thank you. I have no reason _to_ thank you." "Its fine you don't have to thank me, it's more a matter of misery loving company anyway. No one else here knows how I feel – this is their home, but it's not mine and it never will be. Still, I love them, Garnet and Amethyst, or at least the idea of them… So I want to save this horrible little mass of dross and flotsam for them." And here she turns to face the lapis. There must be something in her face or eyes because the blue woman freezes like she's met Medusa. " I need you to help me with that. I can't trust them to do what has to be done." The blue one cringes away, "You can't trust me either." The pink head nods like some impossible dandelion. "I know that. And that lack of illusions is exactly what I need."


	6. Chapter 6

'There is a blue chick with her arms around me and I am not gonna freak.' His brother would be mocking him for eternity if he could see this. Hell if Sadie catches wind of this she'll be cranking him up for the next eon. It's just… how the hell do you take something like this? Like here is some blue alien chick off a bootleg History channel program clinging to him. Seriously all they need is Rinalweird and his stupid conspiracy theories to round things off. Well, there, is of course, one obvious way this could go worse. 'Body if you pop a boner I will never forgive you.' Of course, knowing his luck his body will screw him over now just because.

"Are you okay? You keep stiffening up – am I holding too tight?" There are many incredibly awkward jokes to make right now and he is going to be a decent guy and not make any of them. So instead he just shakes his head and tries to focus on getting them to his cousin's house. A shadow flies over and he briefly gives a wave, which of course almost takes him off the road. Again. At least this time it didn't startle the girl's –um Lapis' wings out of her. That had been a pretty bad scene. Almost as bad as being literally picked up and thrown by that creepy hologram thing Pearl had. Whatever.

* * *

It's full-on night when he pulls up and cuts the engine. Lapis finally let's go and the sudden relief is almost enough to force a sob. Damn if the girl is a fuckton stronger than she looks. Pearl touches down going from bird to dancer like something out of one those artsy movies Buck likes. "So do you just not like shoes or is this like a …um whatever you guys are sort of thing?" It's kind of a legitimate question – neither Lapis nor Pearl are wearing shoes and Steven only wears sandals like all the damn time. Lapis frowns with this odd lift to her lips like she's not sure if he's joking, but Pearl ends up having to smother her laughter behind both hands. "What the hell is all of this? You don't call but you bring me guests? Pendejo."

Shrugging as one lanky arm moves behind his head Lars can only smile and hope for the best. Christina doesn't really mess around – maybe it's 'cause she's five foot nothing in a family of giants or because she's the oldest out of a brood of thick-headed boys. Either way, she takes no shit and gives no fucks – which sucks because she's his best hope right now of finding somewhere to drop these two off. "Cuz! Look, I get that you might not be happy about this, but-" "Shut up. Oi, piba, yeah you with the cotton candy hair. What the fuck are you doing with my idiot cousin? Ain't like he got no dick action so you ain't no side chick." He can feel his face giving off heat as he suffers the worst blush he has ever had. "Oi! Callate el osico gordota."

That probably wasn't the best thing to say as Christina's head snaps around like a cobra sighting prey. "What you say to me bastardo? You trying to get smart when we both know you no jodes since you crawled out you mami in smell bombo. Seung sei ah? Keep talking crazy and watch me kick your head in chak tou." Lapis looks confused and Pearl looks far too amused and damn it he isn't even asking to look cool. He just wants to not have his balls busted for the umpteenth time. So, of course, he runs his mouth because he was born without the sense given a damn egg. "Sei hoi! Y tu mama tambien. I ain't got no cuffs with you and you trying to stunt on me in front of guests? Chupas mis huevos vendeja!"

She laughs brushing her fingers lightly under her jaw. "Whatever carbon. Que huevos? Not like you got none mamon. And why you trying to impress these things anyway? Nadie te quiere and no one ever will. When you gonna get it gilipollas? El mundo cage en tus vida. Stop fighting it bat po, come mierda y muerte puto." It's not the words themselves that piss him off, most everyone has said some form of them to him since he was just starting to walk. It's the tone – she doesn't give a fuck how he feels. He's nothing to her, and he is so damn tired of being fucking nothing to everything and everyone. He wants blood even though he knows that he needs her help. Fuck it. He'll figure something the fuck out. He always does.

"Metetelo por el culo. What the hell do you know? You're just like your psycho mom." And now her face loses its shine and hardens aging her instantly. "Watch yourself cochino." But he's just gotten started and he has no intention of stopping. Fuck it all. "Why? You gonna come after me like she went after the baby… like she went after you? Oh. Are those tears fei gei cheung? Are you remembering lou hai and the games she liked to play? Maybe you're thinking of her cau fah hai? Can you still taste it? Do you miss it?" She reaches for her waist and he reaches for his back pocket. Her eyes are shining with tears and it'd be easy to think she's just upset, but he's known her long enough to know she's gonna start swinging soon. "Chak tou. Fai chaai. Hui sei." She's angry enough that she can't even string together a whole sentence and all he can do is laugh as they both pull out switchblades.

'Um… guys?" Lapis looks nervous, standing there wringing her hands with her lip between her teeth, but Pearl just seems fascinated with pupils blown wide. "Lapis let them have their moment. Obviously, they have some issues they need to work out between themselves." Yeah, the crazy bitch is enjoying herself, which is fine because he's loving it just as much. "Well, Christina? Prove me right – I mean it's pretty fucking obvious. Chee lun seen hai yeung. Do you think you'll finally lose your job this time?" He can already see her left leg tensing and he's getting ready to dodge when one of the upper windows suddenly slams up startling them all. A head more lard than skull pops out as his worthless cousin Newton starts to bellow. "What the hell is wrong with you all? Some people have actual jobs to go to. Go to sleep or go away!" Frowning Lars looks to Christina and they both nod.

"Oi! You need a job first before you can complain about working it forro! Besides who would hire you? Nei fei yao chow." The useless slob blinks before squinting down and then pulling a face. "Vete a la mierda Lars! No me jodas! Or so help me I will come down there and snap you like the twig you are." Christina laughs before throwing a rock at the sleepy idiot, "No seas tan carbon. Your herpes-ridden gai will be waiting whatever the time so stop pretending to respectability. Now either fuck off or come down and get stuck." With a final shout of 'Ham Ka Chan' Newton shuts the window and pulls the curtains closed. In the meanwhile Christina seems to be thinking. "No joke, you Lars, are a fucking asshole. No really, diu nei pook gai. You know what my mother was like and you threw that in my face… but maybe I shouldn't have been such a bitch. What can I say? It comes naturally."

Rubbing the back of his neck Lars can only shrug. "Eh, chinga tu madre. Y la cage. You know I got a mouth that doesn't know when to stop." They stand there a minute and then she kicks him in the balls. "Chingate! Ohala que mueras." She laughs at his words before turning to the girls who stare back… "Fuck it. Come in and I'll find somewhere for you to sleep or whatever. Lars? Hueles a mierda, lavate ese culo ante vas a casa. I'm serious. I refuse to sleep in a house that smells of balls and unwashed ass." Lapis looks like she wants to linger and maybe help him but he waves her in before returning both hands to his aching balls. Crazy bitch.

* * *

She's waiting for him when he steps in the house with the towel she threw at him wrapped around his waist. "You know what you're getting into, right?" He could shrug, but unlike his parents, he knows she's asking because she actually gives a damn. "No. I know that this is something serious. Like something from a damn sci-fi movie, but I don't got no details. I don't think I want them anyway." For a moment she gets that look in her eyes that promises he's about to catch a hit upside the head or a tumble to the ground. Then she just sighs and kind of deflates. Her eyes search his before seeming to dim, "You really are a dumbass. I talked to the pale one and something is wrong with that puta. Like she might be on the up and up, but if you trust her you stupider than you look." And here she gives a light bat to one of his empty gauge holes. Grumbling he half-heartedly tries to swat her only to see her dance away laughing. Laughter is better than that sad look she had before so whatever.

For a moment it looks like she's gonna go for a hug, but she gives a quick shake of the head and instead throws something at him. "It was Jeremy's once, so you're probably gonna need a flea bath later on. You can bunk with the blue chick – that way if you start screaming all the rest of us know to run. What? Nina is broken. Like most of the pieces are there, but she's having flashbacks to 'Nam or some bullshit. La concha que me re pario. No, la concha que te re parias! Ever since you were a damn baby you couldn't keep your ass out of the fire!" Running her hands through her hair she groans as though in actual pain before laughing, "Diu lei tsuen ga. You're just like your idiot brother, try not to end up like him. I don't like burying children." She turns off the lights as she wanders toward her bed.


	7. Chapter 7

She isn't surprised to see Garnet here cutting through the crowd like a blade through fat leaving a quivering mess behind her. Honestly, she's kind of surprised it took this long for the fusion to come calling. Closing her eyes Pearl lets the thrumming bass carry her further away. She rides the hidden tide of the crowd knowing from the rising complaints that the fusion is getting more and more impatient. She really shouldn't be amused by that, but damn the Matriarchs she is. Letting her thin body curve and glide among the gyrating walls of meat making up the crowd she ignores the bellow of "Pearl" and continues to lead a fine chase. Garnet needs to "chillax" as Samantha (just Sam) and Christina would say. 

Performing a move that has nearby males whistling Pearl begins making her way back toward the bar. There is no point in running, besides Garnet can go fornicate herself if she thinks she has any real authority. Has she forgotten that curfews and the like are for Homeworld pearls and pearls with owners? Honestly! Who the hell died and…oh. Of course, it would lead back to Rose. It always does. And that makes sense because whatever else Garnet had or hadn't been she had been more at ease with working in the background. She has also been more open and that's entirely gone now. The old Garnet didn't constantly cover her eyes and was generally much softer than this one. A pity really; but only to be expected… Rose could be quite ruthless when it suited her plans. 

Making it to the edge of the bar Pearl can see Sam standing head and shoulders above the crowd with her mess of pink hair acting as a beacon. She beautiful, because she looks just like Rose…well she's shorter than Rose, but in all the ways it counts she's like a human twin. It's actually kind of disturbing… Still, Sam is nice and she actually listens and she's so warm and Christina was right when she said Sam had an amazing set of "knockers". Although why someone would refer to breasts as knockers… humans and their need to be obtuse. The hand Pearl raises to get Sam's attention is grabbed and used to pull her toward a rather upset fusion. "You were meant to be back three days ago." 

Making an expression that is more along the line of bearing her teeth versus a smile, the smaller gem tilts her head back with an air of innocence. "Oh? I don't recall making such an agreement. In fact, I don't recall making _any_ promises. Oh, well – I'll be around some time tomorrow. Maybe. Good night Garnet." Her attempt to snatch her hand back and leave goes less than well all things considered. "That's not how this works. I don't know what's gotten into you and right now I don't care. You are going to come home with me and we are going to figure this out. The only question is how: the easy way or the hard way?"' And like a bad An'gestian drama, this is when Sam shows up holding two brightly colored drinks and looking like someone shit in her milk. "What fuck all goes here? Who the hell are you pendejo and why the hell are you touching my girlfriend?" 

As much as she'd like to focus on the term "girlfriend" Pearl knows she has to pay attention to Garnet who looks rather a lot less than happy about this development. At least the little bit of her face that is visible looks dearly upset with pursed lips and a visible tick moving along her jaw. You can almost hear her teeth grinding. "What is wrong with you? She isn't Rose! You – " And that's quite enough of that, "Says the pitiful construct made by two dysfunctional little freaks. How many years has it been since you last separated? You could barely go for two days before I left. Could you even think as individuals now if you spent time apart? Or would you just lie down screaming until someone kindly put you out of your misery?" The last syllable is barely out of her mouth before she feels the gentle pressure of a knuckle trembling against her gem. 

Sam is getting loud enough to bring attention, but Pearl just rests a hand on the human's arm. If Garnet, or really Ruby, decides to destroy Pearl then there isn't a damn thing any of the humans here can do. Well, they could get horribly maimed or killed, but all things considered, that can't be considered effective action. As it is Garnet is straining between the two minds of her constituents. Her form is actually starting to vibrate apart as Ruby is only barely held back from striking even as Sapphire keeps trying to make them run away. It's funny since it looks like Garnet is doing some weird sort of fusion dance. It's also pathetic and Pearl cannot abide pathetic displays. "I'm not afraid of you Ruby. I fought a Moissanite…and won. I broke the "perfect" Jasper into pieces by myself."

At some point, the music stopped and security seems to be making their way over. "I have never been afraid of you – afraid for you, yes – but never of you and I'm not starting now. So kindly get out of my personal space, Perversion, or I will remove you from my space. Just try me." Gradually the trembling stops and then Garnet takes a deep breath. "I hate you." Pearl surprises them both by laughing, but she can't help it. That totally sounds like something Ruby would say. 

"I know and I don't care." Garnet almost takes her visor off, before looking around and leaving it on. "Liar. We do need to talk, you know. Maybe tomorrow?" Sam looks worried, but more importantly, she looks annoyed. Pearl had promised to spend the day with her. She'll get over it. "Yeah, I mean yes. I'll see you some time after noon. Pro – um. Scout's honor." The fusion looks like she's going to say something, but then she just walks away leaving the security guards floundering. "Alright, party people! Let's make our way back to the dance floor!" 

As the music starts back up Pearl turns to look up at her "girlfriend" with something that feels like a real smile. Sam smiles back with a twinkle in her eye, "So… ex-girlfriend?" The laughter they share feels just about right. It feels like… no it's too soon, but they could have fun, right? "It's complicated – we worked together and I'm actually older than her, and there was this other gem named Rose… It was kind of a massive clusterfuck." The slip up about gems just seems to go over Sam's head or maybe Sam is just as invulnerable to shock as Christina said. Speaking of which, where have the others gotten to? "Hey, so speaking of fucks…" Oh, oh that's awful. "You are awful and I am okay with that. Although I think there are some things we should discuss first. Um… okay, so I'm kind of a shape shifter?"


	8. Chapter 8

The child… Steven. The Steven child finds her as she dithers by the shore waiting for Lars to finish flirting with the small one. Um… For the sake of the colony! It shouldn't be that difficult to remember a single human name. Then again there are so many of the damn things it's no wonder she can't actually be bothered. Something like Halley? Kallie? Something with an 'aid' and a 'yee' sound in it. But does it start with a 't' or an 'n'? "Um… hi, Pearl?" She just manages not to let herself twitch. Still, how badly out of practice is she if she can be snuck up on by a chubby little ape child? But that isn't fair - okay then. How badly out of practice is she that a chubby little half-ape, half-gem abomination of a child can sneak up on her? There. That's much more fair, isn't it?

Of course, she just had a talk with Garnet and Amethyst and… the godforsaken Peridot… about her behavior toward humans in general and Steven in particular. So she turns and plasters on a vapid smile for the little mongrel. To his credit, he leans back as though she were about to devour his soft little pudding face. "What is wrong with you?" And that's the question, isn't it? "That's always been the question Steven, but fuck if I have an answer yet." And going by the expression the boy wears with his lips making a perfect 'o' and his eyes as wide as saucers she's gone and fucked up again. "Oh dear. I keep forgetting you're a child. Well, not really. I keep forgetting you're a child I'm supposed to behave myself around."

The expression he makes now is better. Generally speaking, a frowning child is considered a bad thing, but at least it shows he has something like a functional brain. And how does his brain work anyway? How does any of him work? He has no mitochondria for cellular function, he is missing more than half his 'biological blueprint', and by all rights, he should have fallen to disease in his first few months since he had no active thyroid. As the foolish little thing cuddles up to her side she blinks and then sighs at her lack of awareness around him. "Um… Pearl? What does that mean? That you're supposed to behave yourself around me?" His hair is very soft under her fingers, and his eyes are so big and open as they study her. A child shouldn't be without its mother… how selfish could Rose be?

"Pearl?" Oh right, he asked her a question and her she is woolgathering like a coral fresh from harvest. "It means that I'm supposed to pretend I care about you… I don't." Feeling the warm little body curling up against her stiffen and begin to pull away is like having her physical form fatally damaged. Carefully Pearl keeps her arm from wrapping around and holding the boy to her. He isn't hers and that is a good thing. It's the best thing for everyone. She almost cries when he stops and then cautiously edges closer to her one little hand on her arm. "I don't understand?" He wouldn't not with caregivers like his failure of a father and those two rejects the Matriarchs would shatter in a heartbeat for existing. Fuck. What horrors would they unleash on the half-breed child? Would they peel him like an orange to get to his secrets? Would they just pry out his gem and watch him bleed out screeching? Would they break it while it was still in him? And if they did how would he die?

His hand is so warm and soft like an infant. He's barely thirteen and so small. He holds onto her arm and it would take nothing to pick him up and hold him in her lap. She looks down into his eyes and they are so much like hers. He is so much like Rose… but he smells of sea salt and the breeze off the water instead of grass and dirt and well water spoilt with blood. She can't do this again. She won't. "Well, Steven… What I mean is that – caring about you means setting a good example for you. It also means not making things uncomfortable, for instance, I really shouldn't tell you I fucked a human last night who bears a remarkable resemblance to your mother Rose." He jerks back like he has been burnt and his eyes hold a look of betrayal. Good. She doesn't love him.

"That isn't nice!" No, but she isn't nice either. She is not a decent person. She has never been a decent person – just a heavily defective pearl. So why not embrace it? Why not burn all her bridges here and salt the ashes? She'll help them with the cluster and then she'll leave and whatever happens afterward has nothing to do with her. She already fought one war, why the hell should she fight another she can't possibly win. It isn't fair. It isn't – "Would you like to know how I fucked her? I mean you should know Gems do not breed organically. We use Kindergartens that strip a planet of its virtue. So how could I copulate with her? I shape shifted genitalia. Many, many variations of them in fact. She seemed to like tentacles most of all…" From the corner of her eye, she watches his face pale and then redden while working through a suite of emotions.

She can't help it – she laughs and laughs and laughs until she cries. It's been such a long time since she cried over anything or one that for a moment she's startled. Looking at the child next to her as he stares at his feet with a bright-red face all she can do is hug him. The way he immediately stiffens has her about to pull back, but then he tentatively reaches out to return the hug. 'Stupid.' It is, in fact, one of the stupidest things she could possibly do, but nonetheless, she lets it happen. And they sit there laughing together and hugging while the sun sinks from the sky.

As the stars begin to blink into being by ones and twos and threes she wipes her face before pulling him into her lap. "Have you ever shifted before Steven?" She hopes not because she really doesn't trust the others to be properly concerned for his safety. Then again maybe she's being paranoid – "I turned into a monstrous pile of cats." Huh, maybe she isn't being paranoid enough. "Well, that's certainly a new one on me. How exactly did you manage to turn back?" He shrugs as he leans back against her a careless grin on his face, "Dad sent me through the carwash." Gregory Universe is a damn menace, but she isn't going to say that to his son.

"Your father is an idiot. Then again he did take up with Rose." Dammit. "Hey!" He is actually pouting at her; she hasn't had that happen in over three centuries. He looks ridiculous. "I speak from experience having also taken up with Rose. I loved her, but I never really liked her. She was the sun to my moon, but she was capricious and thoughtless. She loved everything, but she didn't have the empathy of a founder-forsaken parasite."

It was, unfortunately, true and one of the things she and Garnet had worked so hard to keep from the others. Bismuth had been the closest to finding out, but then again Bismuth had also been gifted with a bizarre amount of empathy for her caste. The problem was that Bismuth had been entirely too brittle for such a quality. The child is staring up at her with that worried expression she might be beginning to hate. He looks better when he smiles.

"Your mother would cry at the sight of a bird with a broken wing, but she would watch a fish die gasping on land because she didn't really understand. In many ways she was a bit like a child; bright, cheerful, and sweet but lacking an understanding of consequences and repercussions. Yes. She was like a child, a child I dearly wanted to strangle." For a moment the child goes so still she fears for a moment that he is about to release his bladder or worse his colon while seated in her lap. Thankfully he does not, but his face is a picture of terror… Why? Oh, "Calm down. I'm not going to kill or even hurt you very badly. I'm not going to hurt you at all – probably. Oh. There's Lars! Goodbye small one."

Setting him on his feet it seems for a moment that he has gotten bigger, but a blink and he looks even smaller than he did before. Huh. His little hands are wrapped tight around her wrist. "Where are you going?" Such a nosy little thing, "Elsewhere, I'll get more done without you and the others. Probably. Either way, try not to let Peridot loose, she's liable to contact Home World and that wouldn't help anyone." With a gentle pat on the head she leaves the boy and climbs on the back of the motorcycle she helped fix. It's easier to put on the helmet he gives her than argue about how much safer than him she is. And then they're gone.


End file.
